To Stephen, Shannon, Makenzie, and baby Wilson, with love

So my cousin Stephen told me that I tend to write about all these crazy people that I come across yet never about him. So here it is, Stephen, this blog goes out to you and the beautiful girls in your household. I don't know if it'll say much, but it's all good. :) I'm avoid writing a sermon, after all.

Easter was spent with family. I tend to think that this should always be so, but I think it also depends on each of our definitions of family. The first easter that I spent away from my blood relatives was 2006, then again in 2007, where I was in Miami. Had Kirstine not wanted to start a new tradition of having it at her house, I probably would have spent it in Miami three years in a row, with the Miami/Perrine-Peters UMC family that loved me then and continues to love me now.

It's exciting to know that I am helping Kirstine and Thomas create traditions of their own. I don't know if my presence did much, but it meant a lot to be with my parents and family and Thomas' parents and sister for a couple days. Often after I leave Virginia though, I realize that I am a changed person from the girl who moved away three years ago. My family reminds me of who I was and who I am, but it's also hard to give them a glimpse into who I have become when I only get to spend a few days with them at a time. This is very, very hard when you're a family person. It's obvious that I came into my own during my time at Bridgewater College, yet at the same time I think that Miami and Louisville have taken those seeds of who I am and helped to make that come out a lot more. Rambling. It's what I do best.

Back to Stephen. Stephen Wilson is my wonderful cousin who lives in Moore, Oklahoma, who loves baseball and family as much as I do. Stephen is a prime example of what I love about family. I don't get to see him very often, but when I do, it's like no time has gone by. The last time I saw Stephen was in September of last year, where I got to hang out with his wife, my friend, Shannon, (who I completely wish I saw more often, she's fab) and meet his daughter for the first time. The Wilson family (my mom's maiden name is Wilson) is HUGE. I can't stress this enough, but we have family reunions every couple years that bring people together from far distances. I realize that a lot of folks don't know their extended family, but my own extended family isn't really extended because of the opportunities I have gotten to know them. Stephen's so much more than a cousin, he's a friend. BOOMER SOONER, Stephen, BOOMER SOONER..

Outward signs of faith

So during my time in Israel last year I realized something that I was very attracted to: Jewish men. Sandra is too, but she knew that before going (I suppose she had a bit more experiences with Jewish people, there aren't many in Harrisonburg). Well, last night at the Jewish Community Center where I am a member I was on a machine behind a man who was on a treadmill. Well, not that I was attracted to this man, but it reminded me of Jerusalem, because the man was wearing his prayer shawl underneath his workout clothes, and you could tell by the tassles that were hanging down over his pants from underneath his shirt.

This may sound different if your exposure to religious Jewish people is limited. But I love this. I think that this outward sign of faith is extremely powerful and attractive. I know that I'm in seminary, and maybe people aren't surprised by it, but I'm attracted (as some of my friends are) to men who are passionate about their faith, whether they are in ministry or not. The fact that religiously Jewish men are not afraid to wear something under their clothes (and even their workout clothes!) to show their faith is incredible to me. I really appreciate and respect it, not just am attracted to it.

Ohhhhhh the Lord's been good to me..

..and so I write an "I'm thankful for" list! These really aren't in order of importance, minus the number 1 & 2..

20. a "quoting" group of friends that I would fight you for

19. Israel and Palestine

18. The Derby, which brings people togetherrr

17. Massanetta & Montgomerrrrryyyyyyy (Campy camp, yay!)

16. having a car, a place to sleep, a phone to talk to family, clothes on my back, people to love and who love me back, food on the table, etc.

15. free t-shirts, even if they have sketchy metaphors on the back..this could, in a roundabout way that only I understand, be connected to number 6.

14. O.A.R. radio on Pandora, which saw me through 6 hours at the coffee shop (tied with this one, wherever on the chart it is, is Rocky Votolato's song "Makers")

13. my broken heart this week because the students (and Sarah) are gone on ASB and I couldn't
go..but I'm thankful for this because I have them in my life anyways, and if I didn't my life would be completely different..

12. the Patriot joke that only a few people are in on

11. postsecret postsecret

10. the movie pride and prejudice which grabs my heart over and over..

9. passion, in its many forms.

8. BOOKS. Big ones, little ones. Long ones, short ones. Colorful ones, picture ones. Ones about
globalization, ones about how to become a pirate.

7. professors who can tell the things i'm passionate about

6. people who challenge me to be who i truly am, whether they know it or not (or care or not, it's still appreciated)

5. honesty

4. the coupons my grandma sends in the mail, and the love note attached, which brings me to tears

3. sweet tea

2. my family and friends

1. amaaazing grace

Ok. Whew. That's enough for now. I'll stop there. But Lord knows there are sooooo many more on the list. Maybe one day I'll just write and write and write and write and write them down.......

A Heart So Big It Hurts Like Hell?

Tonight I went out to a little place called Shenanigans with Sarah & Amy, one of which is the Newman Center (Catholic Campus Ministries) Director, the other which is an Episcopal priest. Both of these amazing women make me proud to be a resident of Louisville, Kentucky..

The three of us have been trying to get together for months, seriously, and two of the times have been interrupted by sickness and two by natural disasters (no joke). So we figured unless frogs started falling from the sky we'd get a chance to hang out..

I just have these weird little epiphanies with people, but it's usually people who get me to the core, who understand who I am, who I want to be, and what my deep desires in life are, while at the same time loving me for my flaws. This a beautiful thing when you think about it. I just realized that I was sitting with two beautiful, strong, female ministers who are doing amazing things to change the world and their part in it. I love that - I love people who make me feel at home, not only in physicality but in my own skin.

When I think about not being here for the summer, I think of Amy, Sarah, Marie, KT, Es, Christine, Rob, Adam, Bish, Jake, Brianne, Macky, Karin & Joe, Burnetta, Lisa, Lexvegas folks, all the UofL students, and many more, and it makes me sad that I won't be around. Then I realize that I'll be here in august, and will resume some of the best friendships I've had with these folks. Then it brings me comfort to know that even if I don't know where I'll be after graduation, I'll still be in this town for a while. I think of Sarah often, when I think about not being in Kentucky, and my heart breaks. I know this is normal for me, as it happened (and continuously does) about Miami, but I think in a way Louisville is different. I've made so many friends, in fellow students, colleagues, mentors, etc. that are my age and spend time with me that make this town sticky for my soul.

It's appreciated. And I thank God daily for it. I am blessed, continually, for all that I have here, seeing that so many people have unknowingly made this a place where I am comfortable, accepted, and loved. Wow. If only every single person felt the way that I do right now. So I guess to Sarah & Amy, thank you. Thank you..

There's a song lyric that says "I can't stand to think about a heart so big it hurts like hell." Well, me neither. But I sure can try. And if it hurts like hell to have a heart that big, I'll endure the pain I guess.

A friend sent me this on facebook the other day, and I think it's beautiful:

..This is a creature on fire with love, but it's still scary since most people think love only looks like one thing, instead of the whole world..